I WAS still hours away from being a dad when I learned my first (and a very valuable) lesson: Don’t leave anything on your to-do list when your wife could go into labor at any moment.

First, here’s a little background info:

My wife and I were taking on a big chunk of life all at once this month. We were, of course, having our first child (herein to be referred to as Little Swiz) in addition to moving across the country (which also came with the side tasks of renting out our condo and finding a place to live after the 3,000-mile relocation) and I was starting a new job (that represented a very different direction in my career). And we were trying to get all that done in a few weeks.

Damn.

My wife was full term, and we were actually one day past our due date. However, her OB was already talking like the labor might have to be induced. She was trying to feel us out about whether we wanted to wait one week or two weeks after the due date for induction. In quick summation, we were thinking we had “plenty” more time to get a few things done before heading to the hospital. So, we went to bed the night of July 4 thinking we were going to be able to knock off a few items from that aforementioned to-do list the next day. Most important were a few little things. Our property management company had scheduled a few showings for our condo on the 5^th. We had to do a few things to get the place ready. Things like take out the trash, move a few boxes out of the living room and into the shed out back and just some general tidy-up business. All-in-all, about 15 minutes of work. It could have easily been knocked out before bed. But it wasn’t. We crashed out, leaving these few minor things for the morning.

But before I awoke that morning, my wife stirred me at 5:05 a.m. with the words “my water broke.”

Time to go to the hospital.

Luckily, we had packed our hospital bags a few days before. But with our condo being looked at by potential renters later that day, we couldn’t just leave the tidying up undone. So, while my wife was preparing herself for labor, I’m running around taking out the trash, moving boxes and frantically cleaning up what I can.

Sure, it wasn’t a harrowing experience. But it did add an element of stress to a situation that didn’t need any more than it already came with.

So, my first fatherly advice to any dads-to-be: When it gets close to game time, go to bed each night ready to take off for the hospital at a moment’s notice because that may be all you get.

Which shoes would you wear?

SO you’ve just added a classic navy blue suit to your business repertoire, but now you’re wondering what shoes would go best with it. While black shoes are the way to go with almost any suit (except brown), more and more you’ll find that men of style are opting for brown shoes with their navy blue suits.

There are a few things you should keep in mind when selecting your footwear.

Brown seems to be the more fashion forward choice. As in, it seems to be the choice you’ll want to make if it’s your job to stand out. Black, however, is still the classic and more conservative choice. One pundit put it nicely, “Wear black shoes if you’re seeking a job, and wear brown shoes if you’re seeking a date.” Another said to “wear the black shoes if you have a boss, and wear the brown shoes if you are the boss.”

One thing is certain … brown shoes are no longer a total no-no with a blue suit. Basically, it comes down to a combination of your personal preference and your situation.

What are your thoughts? With your blue suit, do you wear brown or black shoes?

THE DAY is quickly approaching when I’ll start my new gig. This new job had a specific set of qualifications, and I meet or exceed them all.  It’s got a list of recommended skills, and I have all those too. I was vetted, interviewed and offered the position with all the confidence that I’ll be able to meet or exceed the standards for success set for the position. I’ll start very soon, and I know I can handle myself.

I’m not worried a bit … about that job.

But there’s another job I’m about to start, and it didn’t come with a predefined list of qualifications and skills. It didn’t come with anyone to interview me and make sure I was up to the task. Nope, some time in early July, I’ll be handed my new title and given my raw materials and told to get to it.

That first job, well, like I said, I’m plenty qualified. That second job, here’s hoping. And it’s the more important one, too. For that second job comes with the title of “Dad.”

My wife and I were married in October of 2009, and we honeymooned in New Orleans — a city we both love a great deal. Well, we came back from that honeymoon with a few T-shirts, a necklace for my wife, a bunch of memories and a baby in my wife’s belly.

Yeah, on the honeymoon. So that transition from newlyweds to parents-to-be was indeed a quick one. We had planned all along to start right away, but we had no idea it would “take” on the very first try!

That “other” new job is legit, too. It’s my first management position, and from where we’ll live it’ll be about a 50-minute commute. But here’s the big thing … it’s 3,000 miles from where we live now.

A little more history: My wife’s a West Coaster and I’m an East Coaster … from the South. Until now, we’ve lived on the West Coast — just north of San Francisco. We’re both writers for the same newspaper, but I’ve just accepted a new job eastside. My new employers knew from Day 1 about my family situation, which has been a big help in making the decision to go ahead and accept. Accept, that is, the challenge of moving my family (newborn baby in tow) across the country and starting a new job all at the same time.

What really made the icing sweeter on the cake was the fact that the new job was right back in an area that I am very familiar with both professionally and personally.

So, here’s the intro to the Fatherhood Blog portion of The Man F.A.Q., but the real action will begin in early July (due date is July 4). Until then, I’ll mostly be writing about our preparations to be new parents and to move across the country.

You’ll be seeing our life through my eyes — a work-in-an-office dad who’s got an hour’s commute to work each day. Hopefully you’ll be able to learn from (or at least be able to chuckle at) my mistakes or even any triumphs that I may stumble into along the way.

From an ancient tome passed down for generations, these rules for men to live by are ageless. Here is an excerpt:

Rule 18: Be the master of your grill – Men have been starting fires and cooking meat since, well, damn near Day One. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to deftly handle grill duties for the family or a reasonable-sized backyard barbecue. Start with a mastery of the customary patties and franks, and move up to the more advanced steaks, ribs and kabobs. Get enough practice, and learn when to place different meat orders so that rare, medium and well done (heaven forbid) orders are done at the same time. Learn when to cook with the grill cover open and when to close it (closing it will often add a more “smoky” flavor). Lastly, you should know the procedures and etiquette for when you’re both behind the grill or if you’re a barbecue guest.

Notes
- Obviously, orders placed for well-done meat should hit the grill first. When it comes time for medium and rare orders to git the grill, move the pieces headed for well-doneness to the outside of the grill so that they may continue to slowly cook.
- Tongs are the better tool for flipping meat … the poker allows juices to escape.
- When cooking chicken and steak for the same meal, chicken goes on first … it takes longer to cook.
- When you’re a guest at another’s barbecue, it is your duty as a fellow man to make sure the grill master always has a fresh drink.
- If you happen upon an unattended grill, it is OK to stamp out any emergencies. But don’t linger. Flip the burning patty or move overcooked meat to the outer rim of the grill, and then move away.
- While pre-made patties are OK if you’re just whipping up a burger for a solo dinner, when hosting, using only quality ground chuck.
- As grillmaster, it is a sacrifice you must make to eat last. As host and control of the food, however, it’s acceptable to nibble while you’re slaving away over the hot coals.
- Unless for some reason you need to travel with your grill after the cookout, it’s often fine to wait until the day after to empty the coals. They keep their heat a long time … better safe than sorry.

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The Man Rulebook photo by alpoma / http://www.flickr.com/photos/alpoma/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

flickr photo / alpoma

From an ancient tome passed down for generations, these rules for men to live by are ageless. Here is an excerpt:

Rule 33: Hold at least a functional sporting knowledge – It is a statement of fact that sports are a rather large part of our culture. When meeting an important client or a new business contact, it’s fair to say you’re far more likely to get pulled into sporting small talk than M. Night’s latest film bust, Kiss’ next farewell tour or the upcoming vote in Congress. Surely, your business deal will not hinge on your ability to small-talk sports, but it can only help to break the ice should your meeting mate head in that direction. Whether you have little or no interest — or even a disdain — be able to hang on for five or 10 minutes. Be able to know who the best players/teams are in the American big-three sports — baseball, basketball and football. Be able to name at least one hockey team. Extra credit if you get pulled into a soccer conversation and have something to contribute … at least know when the next World Cup is. When happening across a group who is watching a “big game,” be able to take one glance at the screen and identify the following — the sport, the teams involved, who it winning and at what stage in the game it is. All of that information can usually be found using the on-screen scoreboard.

Notes
- With the on-TV scoreboard, American sports’ home teams are listed on the right; in Europe and almost everywhere else in the world, home teams are listed on the left.
- Youth and high school basketball is played in four quarters. College basketball is played in two halves. Professional basketball goes back to four quarters. International basketball, like that played at the Olympics, is played in two halves. Don’t ask why.
- Hockey has three periods.
- Football, four quarters.
- Soccer, two halves. (Soccer is, by the way, called football almost everywhere outside the United States)
- Baseball is played with nine innings, with the home team batting second.

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The Man Rulebook photo by alpoma / http://www.flickr.com/photos/alpoma/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

flickr photo / alpoma

From an ancient tome passed down for generations, these rules for men to live by are ageless. Here is an excerpt:

Rule 3: Keep yourself among the fit - It is a man’s duty to keep himself fit so that he may live a life full of vitality. You needn’t be prepared to run a marathon or compete in strength competitions, but you should be able to lift heavy boxes or make it through a weekend 5K without embarrassing yourself. If you have good genetics and a clean diet, it may take little work to achieve this. However, for those that take more work to stay in serviceable condition, it is your duty to put in that work. A healthy man is a happy man. Being fit enough to live a full and active life is achievable for all.

Notes
I’ve found that a good measure of overall fitness doesn’t have to be put up against the ability to run miles upon miles or to have the strength to lift a small vehicle. Having that amount of stamina or strength is desirable for some, but not needed by all. There are physical fitness standards available. One such resource is the Army Physical Fitness Test. There are different scoring standards for both men and women of different age groups. But a good median example is as follows: Be able to complete roughly 40 pushups in a minute, complete roughly 45 situps in a minute, and be able to run two miles in about 14 or 15 minutes. It should be noted that a top fit soldier could complete 75 pushups, 80 situps and run those two miles in about 13 minutes.

To read more about the Army PFT, click here.

To use an APFT calculator, to see if you’d cut muster as a soldier, click here.
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The Man Rulebook photo by alpoma / http://www.flickr.com/photos/alpoma/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

flickr photo / alpoma

From an ancient tome passed down for generations, these rules for men to live by are ageless. Here is an excerpt:

Rule 47: Open the door for her – Of course your date/girlfriend/wife is every bit as strong and capable as you; truly enlightened gentlemen know that starting at an early age. That does not, however, give today’s men the excuse to let common etiquette die. When out with your lover — or one whom you hope will don that title — and you are approaching an establishment’s entrance, open the door for her and allow her to enter first. The act simply shows your respect for her. It symbolizes your desire for her and the desire to provide for her needs and wants.

Likewise, if you’re delayed for some reason and your date gets to the door first, opening it for you, do not take it as a slight to your manhood (opening the door yourself, after all, is not proof of your manhood). Instead, thank her with a smile and a nod (maybe even a wink), and proceed through the door. Do not grab the door and insist she enter first. She is simply trying to do the things that cause you to want to open the door for her — showing her desire for you, and her desire to provide for your wants and needs.

A man should always open, and hold, the door for someone with full hands. Whether those hands be full with a parcel or wriggling children, hold the door whether the person is entering or exiting the establishment. Do this to avoid the awkward waiting while the hands-full person does that turn-around and open-door-with-butt move.

Anecdote
I was entering my office building about a week ago, and our 17-year-old intern was right in front of me. We have a glass door, and it was plain to see one of our co-workers walking to the door from the inside. She had her hands full with a few binders, her purse and one of those travel coffee mugs. Our intern opened the door for himself and allowed it to slam shut in the woman’s face. Luckily for her, I was but a step-and-a-half behind and was able to open and hold the door for her. After she both thanked me and gave our intern a confused look, I caught up to our intern and gave him a quick lesson in door etiquette. Don’t be like that intern.

Notes
- Opening and holding the door for strangers is a kind courtesy. Restaurants and office complexes will provide you with ample opportunities. It is not necessary, however, to always allow a stranger to enter before you. In certain cases, it is OK for you to open the door, half-enter and hold it open for the person behind you. Such examples for this maneuver include the door to a bank, where allowing a stranger to enter while you hold open the door will likely equal to your giving up your spot in line to this person. This is over-the-top kindness, and not necessary.

- When on a date, and entering an establishment where there are two doors (like many restaurants … to keep out flies), open the first door for your date and, going through the first door beside her, you should be able to get to the second door to also open it for her. It is not necessary to make a scene passing your date just to get to the second door. If you don’t make it, and she opens the door first, no big deal. Often, however, you’ll find that she’ll lag behind just enough to allow you to get to the handle first. If she does that, and accepts the open door with a warm smile, she’s a keeper.

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The Man Rulebook photo by alpoma / http://www.flickr.com/photos/alpoma/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

A MOVIE TRILOGY is a great way to spend a rainy day, a sick day, a day when you just don’t feel like moving too much. Grab your remote, your popcorn, your slippers and relax your way into fiction. Pick the right trilogy, and you’re in for at least six or so hours of cinematic bliss. But beware, pick the wrong trilogy and you’re doomed. One would think that if a movie is good enough to warrant two more added to its story, it’s worth checking out. Wrong. There are far more bad trilogies than those that pass The Man F.A.Q.’s test. Here’s a breakdown of our not-so-scientific findings. We broke the films down into four categories, ranging from the five trilogies that can’t miss to the ones that never should have been made. Here are our results, keeping in mind that we purposefully avoided cartoon and kid-flicks.

THEY GOT IT RIGHT
This group’s trilogies all went 3-for-3. They are great examples of what trilogies should shoot for. They are all not only congruent but dependent on each other for the story’s completion.

5. Pirates of the Caribbean
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003), Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006), Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007)
Mark’s take: This is an example of you-get-what-you-asked-for movie making. If you want three films about pirates and ghost stories without the made-for-TV dropoff in quality toward the end of the series, then you won’t be disappointed with Pirates of the Caribbean. The storylines in the third film are a bit lacking from the first two films — thus its No. 5 ranking — but all in all this is a series worth following through until the end.

4. The Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002), The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Mark’s take: Again, you’re getting just what you asked for — short creatures trying to destroy a ring. Like many of the “trilogies that made it,” this is a series that was planned for three movies right out of the gate. It follows one story from the start of the first movie through until the end of the third movie. If the fantasy genre is your thing, here are damn-near nine hours you shouldn’t miss.

3. The Godfather
The Godfather (1972), The Godfather Part II (1974), The Godfather Part III (1990)
Mark’s take: Not only is this one trilogy every man should watch, but this threesome features two of the best stand-alone movies of all time. The third installment catches shit from some people, and others list it as their favorite. This film series ranks pushes itself into the top three because not only does the series carry one overall story throughout, but each film stands on its own as a quality piece of work. Sometimes, a man’s just in the mood for a little Godfather II, sometimes he’ll sit back and watch the whole thing.

2. Mad Max
Mad Max (1979), Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981), Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Mark’s take: Did this series get better with each new installment? Some people think so. Many, myself included, list the second film as their favorite. Some people pan the third film, but come one “two men enter, one man leaves,” you can’t beat that. The Thunderdome scene is enough to warrant the film’s existence. It’s a bit of a niche genre, but as I’ve said before, if films about a post-apocalyptic future are what you’re looking for, you won’t be sorry.

1. Star Wars (Original Trilogy)
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977), Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi (1983)
Mark’s take: The trilogy that set the standard for all other trilogies. To be honest, putting Star Wars at No. 1 in the list is also something of a “lifetime achievement award,” based on the ground that the films broke. The first film broke the mold for the entire science-fiction genre. The action and special effects soared to heights never before seen by other SciFi films. The second movie eclipses the first in story and excitement for many, and is almost the unanimous answer to the question, “What’s you’re favorite Star Wars movie?” The third movie, albeit the weakest of the three, is a fitting conclusion to the story. It was probably your favorite as a kid — what with all the fun creatures — and likely carries fond memories with it.

ALMOST MADE IT
This group’s trilogies all went 2-for-3, as in great first movie and great sequel, but an epic failure of a third installment. The trilogies in the group are basically ranked in order of how steep the dropoff is in the third movie.

5. Friday
Friday (1995), Next Friday (2000), Friday After Next (2002)
Mark’s take: This rough-around-the-edges ghetto comedy struck a cord with movie viewers all over the spectrum. It was fresh and somewhat witty. Even the second movie showed that repeating the same types on one-liners can carry a film but so far. There was a steep dropoff from films No. 1 and No. 2, but people mostly enjoyed seeing the same characters one more time. The third movie, however (and especially with even how stale the second felt), wasn’t even worth the bother for viewers and shouldn’t have been worth the bother for the makers, either.

4. Blade
Blade (1998), Blade II (2002), Blade: Trinity (2004)
Mark’s take: Oh snap! A vampire hybrid that can go outside in the daytime? Good thing he’s a good guy. The first two Blade movies had a moving-comic-book feel that seemed fitting to the story. About the only thing we got from the third movie was Jessica Biel (hot) and seeing what Ryan Reynolds could do with a year in the gym. Not worth the price of admission, in my opinion.

3. The Matrix
The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), The Matrix Revolutions (2003)
Mark’s take: The first film made us ask the question,”What if all this isn’t real?” It’s a question we’ve all asked, similar to “What if we’re all just inside someone’s dream?” Well, we’re not. We’re too self-aware for that. But The Matrix added a diabolical twist to that age-old question. The first movie really could have stood alone. But it was such a boom at the box office, with critics and just about everyone else in the world that a second movie just seemed like an inevitability. The story continued, and still drew our attention. But the third installment was as disappointing as the first was ground-breaking. It seemed like the last five pages of a term paper that had waited until the last night to be written. It seemed like the characters and their development took a back seat to the fact that the movies creators just wanted to get done with their project on time. Still made a shit-ton of money, though. Movie-goers likely had the same excuse for shelling out the cash for the third movie, “Hell, I saw the first two so I had to see how it ended.”

2. Goal!
Goal! (2005), Goal! 2: Living the Dream… (2007), Goal! 3 (2009)
Mark’s take: This series sought to fill a void in the film world — soccer movies. There just aren’t that many out there (and, quite frankly, there aren’t that many people in America who seek out soccer movies). But for movie fans who also love the beautiful game, myself included, the first Goal! movie was eye candy. It was a story about a kid from the slums of Los Angeles, and illegal Mexican immigrant, who found his way onto an English Premiership team. He meets a girl, falls in love and scores some goals. In the second movie he strikes it rich with a deal to play for a Spanish team. This film is more about the main character’s development as an individual rather than as a soccer player. The second film also ends in a helluva cliff-hanger. And it was a cliff-hanger that was barely referenced in the third film. And, in fact, our beloved main character? We’ll he’s hardly even background noise in the third film that is both lacking in quality of the special effects and writing of the first two films. It’s about the quality of a home video made by a fourth-grader for his YouTube account.

1. Major League
Major League (1989), Major League II (1994), Major League: Back to the Minors (1998)
Mark’s take: If you want a corny take-over-the-world sports movie about a team coming together to achieve what’s possible, you’ve got it in Major League. Hell, you’ve got it in MLII. Take the first movie, they clinch the division and a spot in the playoffs. In the second movie, the Indians take it a step further, beating the White Sox in the ALCS and make it to the World Series. In the third movie, world champs, right? Wrong. It’s the little Twins vs. the big Twins, completely abandoning our beloved Indians and their quest for a World Series ring, and instead we’re in for an hour-and-a-half of “that guy from Quantum Leap” and “that guy who was the neighbor on Married With Children.” FFS.

SHOULD HAVE STOPPED AFTER ONE
Going just 1-for-3, these trilogies should have each been an only child.

5. The Transporter
The Transporter (2002), Transporter 2 (2005), Transporter 3 (2008)
Mark’s take: Fast cars and hand-to-hand fighting plus a closed-off, by-the-book character played by Jason Statham made the first movie something of a hit. But in the last two installments, we’ve got Statham babysitting and falling in love? Lame-o.

4. The Addams Family
The Addams Family (1991), Addams Family Values (1993), Addams Family Reunion (1998)
Mark’s take: OK, so maybe people remember watching the Addams Family on TV when they were a kid and fondly remember the series. Curiosity added to nostalgia are good enough reasons to watch the first movie. But like so many trilogies, there was simply no need for two more films. After the first movie, viewers had already seen Thing and Cousin It on the big screen. After that, there’s nothing to add.

3. Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park (1993), The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997), Jurassic Park III (2001)
Mark’s take: As the start, the first film gave its viewers a classic humans-vs-dinosaurs matchup without introducing time travel. A novel idea. I mean, DNA from mosquitoes, pretty cool. But that’s all it was, a pretty cool idea for a movie. No need for two more. But, there were. And they’re bad.

2. From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money (1999), From Dusk Till Dawn 3: The Hangman’s Daughter (2000)
Mark’s take: The first movie was directed by Robert Rodriguez and written by Quentin Tarantino. Sweet. The next two movies were simply produced by Rodriguez and Tarantino, and were both written and directed by people who are neither Rodriguez nor Tarantino. That pretty much says it all right there. The first movie, like many from Tarantino, has something of a cult feel which is “liked” by the masses and “loved” by a few. The last two movies in this trilogy simply don’t live up to the standards of films movie-goers usually associate with Tarantino.

1. Slap Shot
Slap Shot (1977), Slap Shot 2: Breaking the Ice (2002) , Slap Shot 3: The Junior League (2008)
Mark’s take: First movie=awesome. And for 25 years, that’s just what fan of this movie thought it was. A perfectly awesome sports movie, and that’s saying something considering the sport involved is one that many Americans couldn’t give two shits about. But, 25 years and the dumb Baldwin brother later, and Slap Shot was on it’s way to becoming the worst 2/3 of a trilogy ever.

NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE
Quite frankly, 0-for-3. This group of movies should have all been aborted. Surely, there are actually even worse trilogies out there, but these all make the list because not only are they each a combination of three awful movies, but in each case there was either massive amounts of build-up and pre-release exposure or an unwillingness to simply die after the first failure … and the second.

5. I Know What You Did Last Summer
I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)
Mark’s take: The first movies was somewhat interesting with it’s “Oh, shit” moment. For half-a-second, you imagine yourself as one of those teenagers trying to complete the ultimate cover-up. But after the first few minutes, you realized this is a dumb movie about a bunch of dumb teenagers. But wait, they made two more! Super for movie-goers everywhere.

4. The Skulls
The Skulls (2000), The Skulls II (2002), The Skulls III (2003)
Mark’s take: Suspense and intrigue on a fourth-grade level. This movie takes what most cerebral thrillers do well, and did it horribly wrong.

3. Legally Blonde
Legally Blonde (2001), Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde (2003), Legally Blondes (2009)
Mark’s take: It wasn’t until I started researching this article that I even realized they made three of these movies. The first movie is an insult to anyone who ever got admitted to Harvard. Surely, we can’t be made to believe that a cute video and a perfumed-scented entrance essay can get you into an Ivy League school.

2. Maniac Cop
Maniac Cop (1988), Maniac Cop 2 (1990), Maniac Cop III: Badge of Silence (1993)
Mark’s take: OK, it’s a nice try. There are plenty of people out there who are afraid of actual cops. So, take a crazy killer cop, and you’re got a perfect thriller, right? Wrong. The first movie was a failure. So they made a second. Fail. And a third. Fail.

1. The Cutting Edge
The Cutting Edge (1992), The Cutting Edge: Going for the Gold (2006), The Cutting Edge 3: Chasing the Dream (2008)
Mark’s take: Holy shit. A movie about a hockey player becoming a figure skater … times 3. Really? Wow. The only thing worse than these movies is the titles for these movies.

Don't be the guy in the grocery store the midnight before Valentine's Day getting cheap flowers.

WHEN I NEED groceries, I find it best to go after work. For those that don’t know, I usually leave the office around midnight. When it’s that late at night, the 24-hour grocery store right around the corner of our house is usually pretty empty. Well, I was in there tonight fulfilling about a 10-item list – it was like any other late-night trip. Well, almost.

It just so happens that this particular trip fell the night before Valentine’s Day. And, of course, this being a grocery store, they went a little wild with the pink balloons, cheap roses/carnations, boxes of chocolates and poorly made stuffed bears. Not surprising, really. But what was surprising was the amount of men in there getting – literally – last-minute gifts for their wives and girlfriends for the next day’s holiday.

I mean, really, fellas? Is that the best you can do? Grocery store flowers bought at midnight the night before? Surely, I hope their women aren’t the only aspects of their lives that receive such little forethought.

Men, I tell you … that is the No. 1 way to fail Valentine’s Day. Here are nine more ways to fail big-time on Valentine’s Day. Avoid making these mistakes, and you just might be in for the night of your life.

• Arrive late: Showing up late lets your date know just where she falls on your priority list. The bottom line, you know you’re going to be late well before you’re actually late. If there’s a situation where you know you can’t make it on time, give her a call and let her know. Do that, and it’ll feel more like a slight change in plans rather than you just blowing it by not getting to her door on time.

• Show up under dressed: You’ve heard of the old office saying “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.” Well, the same can be applied to dating. Now, don’t go overboard. Don’t wear a tux for dinner and a show if it’s not called for. However, don’t take her to see La Boheme wearing khakis and a polo.

• Show up empty-handed: It’s also key to remember that this isn’t just a regular date. That would be like saying the Super Bowl is just another football game. This is a big event for her, and it should be for you too. A token, even a temporary one (like flowers) is called for. Even if she says “No gifts needed this year,” what she means by that is no expensive jewelry. Even if you have a no-gift pact this year, getting her a card and some flowers doesn’t break that rule.

• Show up without a plan: No woman wants her Valentine’s Day date to start with the same “So, what’ya up for tonight?” that she might hear on a random Tuesday evening. By the time you reach her door, know what you’re going to do that night, and make sure it’s something she will find fun. Do that, and you very well may reap the rewards later.

• Forget to complement: The second you see her on Valentine’s Day, it’s like a massive unveiling for her. Everything she did to get ready – her hair, her makeup, her outfit – was to impress you. Make sure she knows it has.

• Head to the restaurant without a reservation: So you’re planning on going to your favorite restaurant, and you’ve never needed a reservation before? Well, this ain’t your typical weekend. When you get to the restaurant, you’d better have made a reservation. And if you’re planning on taking her to a place that “doesn’t do” reservations on Valentine’s Day, well then perhaps you shouldn’t be taking your date to Denny’s on such an occasion.

• Talk about (the wrong) Valentine’s Days past: This one is mainly for the V-Day first-timers. If this is your 40^th Valentine’s Day with the same woman, by all means talk about the great years past. However, if this is you and your lady’s first one together, try to avoid talking about the miseries (or triumphs) of previous years. It’s simply classless.

• Eat too much: Admit it, there’s nothing better than going out to a nice restaurant, eating your fill and sinking into the couch when you get home for a night in front of the tube. However, in reiteration, this isn’t your typical night out. You don’t have to eat like a bird, but don’t over-stuff. You may need to be light on your feet a little later.

• Go (obviously) cheap: Some women just love what others may think to be “typical” or “cliche” gifts for Valentine’s Day. Maybe your lady just loves a new stuffed teddy bear, heart-shaped box of chocolates and pink-iced cookies for V-Day. If that’s the case, then by all means give her what she wants. But don’t take your good fortune to mean that you can just stop into a corner drug store and get all your Valentine’s Day shopping done in less than two minutes. There’s a difference between not expensive and cheap. She likes chocolate? Go for Ghirardelli instead of the store brand; it’s only a few bucks more. She wants a plush bear? Don’t pick up the one at the check-out counter next to the gum and candy bars, instead pony up the extra $10 for a quality one from a department store. She wants cookies? Don’t go for the ones in the grocery store in the plastic box by the dozen; for about the same price, you can get two gourmet cookies from your local bakery.

]]> http://www.themanfaq.com/news/2010/02/vday-fail/feed/ 4 http://www.themanfaq.com/news/2010/02/beer-punch/ http://www.themanfaq.com/news/2010/02/beer-punch/#comments Fri, 12 Feb 2010 13:30:19 +0000 Mark J. Yates http://www.themanfaq.com/news/?p=1594

Moylan's Hopsickle Triple IPA

THERE IS drinking beer, and there is taming the hop-filled (or malt-filled) beast. Here’s our list of five beers that will punch you right back in the mouth should your dare to tame them. Be careful, they could knock you out.

Pliny the Younger, Russian River: It’s only available for one week out of the year, and in 2010 the brewery sold out of the brew on the day of release. The massive IPA was available at other beerfests in the region (that week only), and at select breweries nationwide … this beer may very well be the hardest to get your hands on in the world. If you can’t get your hands on this one, it’s brother – Pliny the Elder – is available year-round.

Double Bastard, Stone Brewing: It shouldn’t be taken lightly, because it will kick your ass if you’re not ready. It’s woody and extremely warming with a heavy caramel flavor that is followed by a deeply-cooked citrus flavor – almost like the juice from a grapefruit rind. This beer packs as much malt as it does hop, as much sweet as bitter.

Hopsickle, Moylan’s Brewery: The instant you stick your nose into the glass, you know where the beer gets its name. There’s nothing subtle about this aroma. It’s hops, hops, and more hops. There’s nothing subtle about the hop bang you get right from the first sip. Allow yourself to savor a bit, and you’ll find out the citrus hint from the aroma turns into a pop of bitter grapefruit that lingers slightly after the swig is swallowed.

Pranqster, North Coast Brewing Co: A strong golden ale that pours even more rust-orange than golden, to be honest. It’s sweet and bead-like up front, but packs a spice not usually associated with a golden ale. It’s perhaps the only beer of its kind that has enough alcohol to warm your core, and it more than stacks up to it’s more-hoppy counterparts.

Mephistopheles’ Stout, Avery Brewing Co: As dark as night itself, this molasses-like smooth stout doesn’t do much to hide it’s 16 percent ABV. It also has a sweet side, that caresses the lips like that … well, you’re not really allowed to tell, are you?