A Q-and-A with the site’s creator and editor, John M. Swartz:
1. If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
Cook? Nothing. I’d grill meat.
2. What is your favorite word?
I feel like I’m on Inside the Actors Studio with that guy with the blue note cards. Favorite word? Seven.
3. What makes you cry?
Um, sad stuff.
4. What makes you laugh?
Duh, funny stuff.
5. If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
A bear. Wild and ferocious … but gets to sleep in sometimes.
6. If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
I would work for the love of whatever I’m doing, and use the money for my family. I’ve give a huge chunk to help rebuild New Orleans.
7. If you could go back in time, what mistake(s) would you correct?
I’m a strong believer that making mistakes and learning from them is a huge part of making a person the way he/she is. So nothing major, actually. I would go back to the day I hurt my knee playing football and cut to the left instead of the right. I don’t really think limping down staircases when it gets cold has really taught me anything about “who I am.”
8. Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
Depends on my mood. I tend to have a strong desire for some things, so that leads me to see the glass as half empty sometimes.
9. Who was your hero as a child?
I was a big hoops fan back in the day, so it was Michael Jordan.
10. What do you do for fun?
Whatever I want. I’m a grown-ass man.
11. Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
That’s easy … outdoors.
12. Define yourself in three words.
Meticulous, aggressive, caring.
13. What three words would your best friend use to describe you?
I would hope: Meticulous, aggressive, caring.
14. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Teaching my kids to play catch.
15. What are you most proud of in your life?
Finally finishing college, I guess. But I don’t usually sit around and think about how proud I am of myself … that’s kinda lame.
16. Are you a cat or a dog person?
Dog.
17. Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
Right now, two dogs.
18. Who do you admire most?
My wife. She’s making a baby; that’s pretty cool.
19. When do you plan on getting married?
Oct. 3, 2009
20. Get the number or give the number?
Neither. I’m married.
21. Romance or Kinky?
Romance.
22. How do you feel?
Bored. I’m waiting for people to return my calls.
23. What size shoes do you wear?
10.5
24. Water or 100% Juice?
Water.
25. Would you rather be hot or cold?
Cold. I’ve got a pretty active inner heater.
26. Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Fuck! What’s with all the depressing questions? This is bullshit. I’m not answering this crap.
27. Favorite Place to Eat?
Russian River Brew Co., in Santa Rosa, Ca.
28. Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Aren’t operas, musicals, concerts and plays all performances? This is kind of a dumb question.
29. What is your favorite clothing brand?
Patagonia, REI or the North Face.
30. If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
I light, maneuverable SUV that also exhibits the type of sturdiness needed to go off-road.
31. What are some of your favorite Disney films?
Don’t have any yet … but will, kid on the way and everything. I think Treasure Planet is a Diz flick. Maybe I’ll watch that one with the tyke? Wait, wasn’t Pirates of the Caribbean a Disney movie? That one, then. But Disney usually makes me think of cartoons.
32. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To live in infamy.
33. What was your last thought?
Something about a chicken and a road.
34. Favorite fruit?
Pineapple.
35. Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Whoa, too deep a question if you don’t have any booze to offer. But, deaf, I guess.
36. Do you eat cold cereal at night?
Sure.
37. What is your favorite TV show?
The Alaska Experiment. Or Biggest Loser. Or The Ultimate Fighter. Damn, it looks like I like shows where people get eliminated.
38. Kill the spider or let it out?
Kill it. That’s not based in cruelty or anything. Firstly, it’s just easier to kill it than it is to trap-and-release. Secondly, my wife says, “There. Kill it.” So, I kill it.
39. Do you shower every single day?
No, a day off every now and then is good for you.
40. Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
Depends. I’m probably about 50-50.
41. Where do you want to travel next?
Joshua Tree NP. That’s the first stop on an east-to-west cross-county road trip I’m taking later this month.
42. What is your favorite food?
Indian or Thai.
43. If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
Damn, again with the depressing shit. I would make sure my family is taken care of after I’m gone. That’s what everyone should do. What? Did you want me to say something lame like “climb Mount Everest?”
44. What is your favorite place?
A tent in the middle of nowhere.
45. If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
The ability to instantly learn a vast amount. Like snapping my fingers and knowing an entire language.
46. Have you had a beer in the last week?
Actually, no … and that’s news. Stop the presses. I’ve had some bourbon though.
47. Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Gatorade.
48. Flip flops or tennis shoes?
Flip-flops … I’d wear ‘em year round if I could.
49. What do you do on Fridays?
Work.
50. If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
Bill Gates … I’d write a check out to John M. Swartz for the sum of $5 million and drop it in the mail. I’m sure ol’ B.G. won’t miss a little $5M. Then, the next day when I’m back to being myself, I’d start checking the mailbox every day.
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